Finish line

In as much as I don't want this to be a negative post, I'm afraid it is. Already, since I have not so many positive things within my heart right now.

I'm tired. I feel bad. It's like being filled with so much of the negative that I don't know anymore the boundaries. Do you know how it feels as if you are surrounded by bombs? That if you step just one foot into the wrong point, you'd blow into pieces? That's exactly how I feel this very moment.

People are not particularly nice. I'm in silent-treatment-relationship with my immediate boss. And all of my clients are plainly cruel.

Every single day, I think of quitting. I think that I don't want to do this anymore. I think that I just want a more peaceful environment.

But then I look around all of my friends-slash-co-workers, I get my ATM reloaded every 10 days, and I'm given the chance to spend on anything I like. They're stupidly shallow reasons, almost to the point of being childish and astoundingly minute factors. Yet they make me want to stay.

Or maybe it's just really the fact that I don't have anywhere else to go--yet.

* BIG sigh *

I don't know what to do anymore.

God, give me more strength. Let me keep on running. Even if I don't see the finish line.

i don't think it's deja vu

maybe there really is just that kind of thing that you do and feel every time even if you have already been hurt by something like it before.

like saying yes to a job you don't really know how to do.

like making a promise and shattering it to irreparable pieces.

like falling for a person you know would never be yours.

i don't think it's deja vu. i think it has something to do with the kind of heart you have. and your natural knack of liking something that does not agree with you.

Broken

Photo from http://newyorktoparis.tumblr.com/

The other would have been

There is a PDF file in my laptop that's been there since November 2011. It's something my friend Paula and I talked about having before in line with a dream we both share.

Yeah, you've read that right. It's the online app form for UP LAE.

I do admit to having forgotten about this particular file and the deadline indicated in it. Supposedly, I have submitted it before and the exam I will soon be taking if not taken already. But I have not. And just the other day, I have come across a news item that I search for year after year since I was a senior college student: Bar Exam Passers.

Then flashback to 2010. People asked me why I didn't take the exam. Some did not blatantly said so but still had that big-eyed surprised look on them when I said I didn't.

This is my heart's other would have been. I want, still and will always do, to take that fateful exam. To know if I can get through. To finally have that forked roads that would make me choose between my now and my dream.

Yet I still do not know why I would only download the form every time it comes up and then ignore it until way past the deadline. I still have no idea why I won't push for it or why I would still evade question after question related to it.

All I know is that I want to be a lawyer but I'm scared as hell on how it would change my life forever. Besides, I'm not so sure what I want anymore now that I am being presented alternatives by none other than life itself.

(photo from http://www.flickr.com/people/perksofjenna/)

Hmmm, eto lang ang masasabi ko

Sa nagtanong sa'kin:

Hindi ko alam. Basta ang pagkakaintindi ko, hindi dahil nasasaktan ka pa rin hanggang ngayon ay pwede mo ng isipin na siguro nga s'ya pa rin.

Minsan, mas masakit lang talaga yung idea na hindi nga s'ya at kahit kailan hindi magiging s'ya.

Nasa nararamdaman 'yan, wala sa tao. Minsan.

Children's trip to Laguna (Part 1)

Well, I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. You know that. But my officemates apparently think there was more to the occasion than just going out on dates.

L-R: (Do I really have to do this? Haha!) Danica, Princess, Krissy, Cheng, Ana, Tinay, Vivienne, Me, and Jane

And since most of us are single anyway, we just decided to spend a pre-Valentine's Day Out together. Hence, a trip to Laguna to revive our inner child deep within.

The destination: Enchanted Kingdom!

(photo from virtual-asia.com)

And since I cannot go point by point of this trip, I'll just share photos. However, as being my usual self and not bringing my own camera, the photos were all from Tinay's cam--which means you'd see more of our faces than the actual place.

Arrival: around 2PM. The place was scorching hot! Not to mention crowded!

Which meant that we had to endure line . . .

After line . . .

After line.

But you're not allowed to ever frown :|

As you would really enjoy going from one ride . . .

to another.

Even if you get wet at some point!

(Jungle Log Jump, you gave me a couple of days' worth of muscle pains and colds!)

That was even aggravated by one regular cup of leche flan shake :(

It was truly a fun-filled trip. Tiring, yeah, but uber happy. These are just photos of our half-day tour around EK. I'll get to the next half on my next post (Tinay, give me all the photos now, pleaseeeeee)

Catch up: We serve only what we eat

Yeah, from this point on, what you would be seeing is a backlog post. (Whutizuberlateright?)

Anyway, I was just going through some of the photos in my phone and I came across the foods we served for the two New Year's celebrations we had at home. It's kind of striking how different they were, which I thought were of course due to the contrast of the cultures they represent.

This is the Pinoy New Year group:

(Forgive the stray barbecue sticks, we were already hungry at the time.)

The Pinoy New Year group consisted of mostly kakanin and sweets. I'm quite not sure about the sweets (maybe we just loved the leche flan and refrigerator-slash-Graham cake in the blue-covered container) but the kakanin like the biko and the ube are for family togetherness. The all-time favorite spaghetti that they said were for long life was also included.

We also had the traditional ham (yes all sliced for eating already) and barbecue, which is my dad's specialty.

A new addition to the Pinoy group was the egg pie. I didn't really get what my mom said the pie was for but if I remembered well, she said because we had to serve a round pastry (weird because we had custard cake already).

(Yes, my brother did not even bother to put this on a decent plate. Tsk, tsk)

Of course, to balance out all the sweets and fats we consumed, we also had fruits. Haha. There were 13 of them, my mom said, for luck. My mother could be weird sometimes.

Well, however weird I found the foods we had for 2012's New Year celebration, I still enjoyed them. My sweet tooth was happy so was my sleepless eyes.

(No photo of me. I was already in my pajamas that night. Yeah, I celebrated New Year's wearing pajamas. Ninja lang as I wanted to sleep right after I digested the sumptuous feast my stomach had.)

Chinese New Year, on the other hand, was a bit more subdued. We did not observe any other traditions our chinito friends had. But all the same, we served quite a few of their prescribed munchies. This is because my mother and I both make a living out of Chinese-owned companies. Lol.

A fish-shaped tikoy that when cooked . . .

Looked pretty much just like any other tikoy. Haha!

We also had fruits, although lesser than what we served during the Pinoy New Year celebration. For this one, we only had kiat-kiat (I hope I spelled this right; they are small versions of ponkan) and three apples. Ask my mother why.

So there. These were really different food groups bound by completely different cultures. I couldn't say which was better for my taste buds because I did enjoy both.

I hope you had the same pretty nice New Year's! And remember, serve only what you could eat. The table, after all, is not for display-only-foods.