Well, you know what people say when you're having problems with someone dear to you: there is someone better out there. But of course, it is never a thought applicable to everyone. People would always, always find a way to hold on. Even if it sucks. Even if it hurts like hell.
Hey, you don't have to feel guilty over that. You deserve to hold on to that one thing that figuratively makes sense right now, even if you know that it literally is insane and insensible.
I am not the best person to tell you that you have to let go. Believe me, I've been holding on to something that already has my hands blistered to bits. And until now, I can very much choose jumping off a cliff than to let that go.
Hence, I am telling you to hold on. Not to that person who hurts you, though. But to the experience, to the pain, to whatever it is that vaguely defines tomorrow. Hold on to what hurts and let your heart heal over it. You must do that so you'd feel pain so much that it would make you learn and change for the better.
But always remember this, just because you can hold on does not mean you should let others make use of that. There are people worth the pain. And there are those who are worth every single ounce of courage that it would take you to let go. Learn how to tell one from the other. That way, you'd spare yourself from the emotional suicide.
At the end of the day, it is your choice that matters. And like I have always believed, you have to make choices that would not at some point make you go back to the day you did and wish you had not.
10.23.2012
10.21.2012
I don't want to fall
I Don't Want to Fall, Juris
I know that I'm no longer considered young
But with this feeling it's like teenage just began
I've gone through tough times
And I can say that I have grown
So I should be able to control what's going on
But no, this was not my intention
Oh no, just erase this connection cause I
I don't want to fall for you
I'm scared that you just might fall for me too
I don't want to feel for you
I'm scared that you just might feel for me too
Feel for me too
You try too hard to hide the spark in your eyes
And I ignore it even if it excites me deep inside
Cause I'm strong and I know it's wrong
And to each other we simply don't belong
So I should be able to control what's going on
But no, this was not my intention,
Oh no, lets just erase this connection cause I
I don't want to fall for you
I'm scared that you just might fall for me too
I don't want to feel for you
I'm scared that you just might feel for me too
I don't want to fall, fall for you
I'm scared that you just might fall for me too
And I don't want to feel for you
I'm scared that you just might feel for me too
Feel for me too
Oooh, this is dangerous
Let's not be adventurous
This could change our lives for the better
But what if for the worse?
I don't want to fall for you
10.13.2012
Healing
Once, a friend asked me if I could write about better stuffs. Happy stuffs. I just laughed and told him I could not.
I thought about the way I write after that. I did some back-reading on my blogs and realized that I had so much of those really sad thoughts.
Well. I had nothing to say about this. Or I did, maybe. Fine, I still have a lot to say about this.
It’s that I can write about the good stuffs. I used to be able to do that a lot. I have owned a blog since high school. And believe me, my younger self had so much of the happy sappy moments to write about. She used to be all smiles and laughing moments. Everyday was for chasing after her dreams, for loving and being loved. For winning and losing with a smile on her face.
She lost that, apparently. She was so strong but then she lost to a battle she knew she would not win over before it even started. Losing like that at such a young age, hey, that’s not easy.
Something did go wrong. Because she never got her old self back. She carried that loss so much it defined most of her as she grew up. She did that, grew up. But never moved on. Always, at a moment’s notice, she’d go back to the day she lost and cry all over again.
To a certain extent, she never really left that battlefield. But she promised she’d keep on fighting to get herself back. To escape from that memory. To heal completely.
She’s working so hard to keep that promise, you must know. She’s strong and brave enough. She can do that. I believe she can.
I believe I can. Please believe that I can.
I thought about the way I write after that. I did some back-reading on my blogs and realized that I had so much of those really sad thoughts.
Well. I had nothing to say about this. Or I did, maybe. Fine, I still have a lot to say about this.
It’s that I can write about the good stuffs. I used to be able to do that a lot. I have owned a blog since high school. And believe me, my younger self had so much of the happy sappy moments to write about. She used to be all smiles and laughing moments. Everyday was for chasing after her dreams, for loving and being loved. For winning and losing with a smile on her face.
She lost that, apparently. She was so strong but then she lost to a battle she knew she would not win over before it even started. Losing like that at such a young age, hey, that’s not easy.
Something did go wrong. Because she never got her old self back. She carried that loss so much it defined most of her as she grew up. She did that, grew up. But never moved on. Always, at a moment’s notice, she’d go back to the day she lost and cry all over again.
To a certain extent, she never really left that battlefield. But she promised she’d keep on fighting to get herself back. To escape from that memory. To heal completely.
She’s working so hard to keep that promise, you must know. She’s strong and brave enough. She can do that. I believe she can.
I believe I can. Please believe that I can.
9.01.2012
September 1
Well hello there, September. It's nice to see you again. Every year, you mark something--a season that everybody else anticipates, the beginning of the end of the year that it has been.
You have us all excited enough that some of us do start Christmas countdowns, make a list of Christmas presents we want to receive, and plan getaways for the festive holidays to come.
I hope you'd be nice to us, that you feel just how much we want you here and be happy with us.
Happy 1st day!
You have us all excited enough that some of us do start Christmas countdowns, make a list of Christmas presents we want to receive, and plan getaways for the festive holidays to come.
I hope you'd be nice to us, that you feel just how much we want you here and be happy with us.
Happy 1st day!
8.19.2012
Tell me why
I Won't Give Up, Jason Mraz
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts we got
Yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end you're still my friend, at least we did intend for us to work
We didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am.
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up...
I won't give up on us
God knows I'm tough, He knows
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up...
8.12.2012
Letter to Myself
Written on the night of 8/10/2012
Hi,
Today you turn 23. Yeah, everybody's sort of surprised that you're still in that early-20s bracket. You're so strong, as they keep on saying.
You have enjoyed your day, no doubt. Enjoyed saying thank you to everyone you have known from before who took the time and remembered to greet you and to those who had the guts to blatantly ask if today is indeed your day (better safe than sorry, I guess). Enjoyed the design in your work area, scarce but pretty much difficult to put up considering half your workmates are unable to come to the office the day before. And of course, enjoyed your gifts.
Aside from all of these, though, you seem to have gained happiness from the fact that everything seemed to have taken a full turn and became so much better.
Work has become bearable. You have found new friends in your co-workers and with all the laughter that you share together, the work load becomes considerably lighter. Remunerations have also become more generous. 'Nuff said on that.
But maybe what has really made your day today are the two of them. You are happy because you have something that can turn into a beautiful story if all the right signs point to it. And you have just gotten back what you have lost. Well, most of it anyway.
Admit it or not, you are happy over the time, however short, that you get to talk to him again. Over having told him about the new person in your life. You seem to have done it not to show off your new moving on skills and not even to try and make him think you have found a life that is so much better without him. You have done it, as I understand, because it is what you do together. You tell each other about the progress your lives are making. You tell him almost everything, seeking his understanding and relishing in the jokes he makes about your stories. In some ways, he's back.
All in all, today is a good day. And you hope that the days that would follow would be as good.
Well, I think you can be quite sure of that now. Because a year older can make you a bit more wiser than to actually wish for a good day while doing nothing to make it so.
Today, you turn 23. Today, you are happy. And today, you prepare for the life ahead with a lot of good vibes.
Always,
Ryo
Hi,
Today you turn 23. Yeah, everybody's sort of surprised that you're still in that early-20s bracket. You're so strong, as they keep on saying.
You have enjoyed your day, no doubt. Enjoyed saying thank you to everyone you have known from before who took the time and remembered to greet you and to those who had the guts to blatantly ask if today is indeed your day (better safe than sorry, I guess). Enjoyed the design in your work area, scarce but pretty much difficult to put up considering half your workmates are unable to come to the office the day before. And of course, enjoyed your gifts.
Aside from all of these, though, you seem to have gained happiness from the fact that everything seemed to have taken a full turn and became so much better.
Work has become bearable. You have found new friends in your co-workers and with all the laughter that you share together, the work load becomes considerably lighter. Remunerations have also become more generous. 'Nuff said on that.
But maybe what has really made your day today are the two of them. You are happy because you have something that can turn into a beautiful story if all the right signs point to it. And you have just gotten back what you have lost. Well, most of it anyway.
Admit it or not, you are happy over the time, however short, that you get to talk to him again. Over having told him about the new person in your life. You seem to have done it not to show off your new moving on skills and not even to try and make him think you have found a life that is so much better without him. You have done it, as I understand, because it is what you do together. You tell each other about the progress your lives are making. You tell him almost everything, seeking his understanding and relishing in the jokes he makes about your stories. In some ways, he's back.
All in all, today is a good day. And you hope that the days that would follow would be as good.
Well, I think you can be quite sure of that now. Because a year older can make you a bit more wiser than to actually wish for a good day while doing nothing to make it so.
Today, you turn 23. Today, you are happy. And today, you prepare for the life ahead with a lot of good vibes.
Always,
Ryo
8.08.2012
#BangonPilipinas
The Philippines, particularly Metro Manila and several of its provinces in Luzon, is currently experiencing yet another calamity of a magnitude that shatters lives and brings about losses of almost everything. A calamity that has no name and that cannot be defined as clearly as all the others that came before it.
Many are stranded on the roads or trapped inside their houses. Some are in evacuation centers, huddled with others with the same fate as theirs and unsure of what tomorrow would bring them. Others are lost, literally and figuratively.
We do not seek pity. We do not even seek the most basic of our physical needs as much as we should. We seek for a tomorrow that will not be as difficult as today. We hope not only for the sun to shine again but for also for life to smile back at us once more.
Let’s all pray for the rains to stop, for the floods to recede. Let’s pray for everyone who we have lost. And most of all, let’s pray for all the lives we are to rebuild after the calamity.
Many are stranded on the roads or trapped inside their houses. Some are in evacuation centers, huddled with others with the same fate as theirs and unsure of what tomorrow would bring them. Others are lost, literally and figuratively.
We do not seek pity. We do not even seek the most basic of our physical needs as much as we should. We seek for a tomorrow that will not be as difficult as today. We hope not only for the sun to shine again but for also for life to smile back at us once more.
Let’s all pray for the rains to stop, for the floods to recede. Let’s pray for everyone who we have lost. And most of all, let’s pray for all the lives we are to rebuild after the calamity.
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