Well, I don't think for a beat here that you'd ever get to read this. But just the same, I'm not particularly sure of what I'd say. If I were still a high school student or probably in the first years of my college life, I guess I can say a lot. But since I'm already, erm, older, I think I've already lost most of those words.
I think I can start with saying thank you. For those times you have let me be the grumpy loner kid I want to be when I'm doing something important. For hearing out my senseless rants about office work and commuting. For picking me up Friday nights (not that you're doing this especially for me, but still, it's nice to have a comfy ride home once in a while). And all the little things you do for me that I don't get to say thank you for.
Next, I'd say sorry. For every single time I have given you disappointments, namely: graduating high school without honors; not getting into an education program in college; failing at my first job; refusing to make teaching a career; and that long, long while of being a bum. I know how you have created in your minds the kind of eldest daughter you deserve and I perfectly understand that I'm not that all the time. So, sorry.
Follow-up thank you: for accepting me even if I'm not that daughter.
Lastly, I guess I'd take this chance to say that however lax I seem to you, I have my set of dreams. Yes, it involves getting a car (and yes, driving for you, Mom). But I also want you to know that someday, I wish to have my own place. I wish to be able to put up a strong business and be successful. I don't really wish to be able to open a humongous bank account but if I can manage healthy savings then I guess I would. So you need not to worry about me. I have my future planned out even if without the clarity you wish it would have.
(Okay, and maybe I wish to have a family of my own too, Dad).
I'd like to end this saying you're the best set of parents I'd ever have. But I won't. Because you're the most irritating pair when you ask too many questions. Because you fight a lot of times and cause me migraines. Because you are way too strict and you won't admit it's what drives my siblings to rebel. Because you like being stuck at home to rest instead of going out to have fun.
You're not the best set of parents.
But even if you're like that, you're still the reason for my being who I am today. And because I love who I am regardless of the wretchedness I have within me, I love you too.
Always and forever.
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