Day 3 - Your Parents

Hey guys,

Well, I don't think for a beat here that you'd ever get to read this. But just the same, I'm not particularly sure of what I'd say. If I were still a high school student or probably in the first years of my college life, I guess I can say a lot. But since I'm already, erm, older, I think I've already lost most of those words.

I think I can start with saying thank you. For those times you have let me be the grumpy loner kid I want to be when I'm doing something important. For hearing out my senseless rants about office work and commuting. For picking me up Friday nights (not that you're doing this especially for me, but still, it's nice to have a comfy ride home once in a while). And all the little things you do for me that I don't get to say thank you for.

Next, I'd say sorry. For every single time I have given you disappointments, namely: graduating high school without honors; not getting into an education program in college; failing at my first job; refusing to make teaching a career; and that long, long while of being a bum. I know how you have created in your minds the kind of eldest daughter you deserve and I perfectly understand that I'm not that all the time. So, sorry.

Follow-up thank you: for accepting me even if I'm not that daughter.

Lastly, I guess I'd take this chance to say that however lax I seem to you, I have my set of dreams. Yes, it involves getting a car (and yes, driving for you, Mom). But I also want you to know that someday, I wish to have my own place. I wish to be able to put up a strong business and be successful. I don't really wish to be able to open a humongous bank account but if I can manage healthy savings then I guess I would. So you need not to worry about me. I have my future planned out even if without the clarity you wish it would have.

(Okay, and maybe I wish to have a family of my own too, Dad).

I'd like to end this saying you're the best set of parents I'd ever have. But I won't. Because you're the most irritating pair when you ask too many questions. Because you fight a lot of times and cause me migraines. Because you are way too strict and you won't admit it's what drives my siblings to rebel. Because you like being stuck at home to rest instead of going out to have fun.

You're not the best set of parents.

But even if you're like that, you're still the reason for my being who I am today. And because I love who I am regardless of the wretchedness I have within me, I love you too.

Always and forever.

My Christmas Bucket List - PART 1

With Christmas superbly near, hey it's only 59 days (as of writing time), I'm beginning to see and read lists. Christmas wishlists, that is. And would I, the list fan, be behind in all of these? Of course not. Ha! Hence, my very own Christmas list.

1. Let the Right One In, John Ajvide Lindqvist

Oh please, let me get this one this time. The very first time I've actually wanted to get a copy of the book, funds are on the low. But the novel's very much available (as in the edition in the photo). Thus, upon seeing our HR's already refilled my bank account, I've rushed oh-so-fastly to MOA's Fully Booked. Only to be sadly told by the shop assistant that sorry, ma'am, we've run out of stocks. So, c'mon. Get me this one for Christmasssss!

2. The Girl who Played with Fire & The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, Stieg Larsson

I'm already done with the first book of the Millenium series, Dragon Tattoo. And boy am I hooked on Lisbeth Salander. Therefore, I think this would be more of gift from myself to myself. I shall complete the series.

(P.S. Thank you, Jhe, for the first book!)

3. Red flats

Nothing beats a greatly fierce pair of plain red flats. This one from Artwork is a perfect example. I just hope they fit my uber small feet!

4. DVDs

I've only Grey's Anatomy (Season 6 and 7), The King's Speech, and Eat, Pray, Love in mind as of the moment. But I'd really like a nice collection of new movies. No type of film in particular, just something that's just as much as feel good as highly intriguing.

5. One Day, David Nicholls

Another book I've been looking for. What makes the search disbelievingly difficult? I want the edition that does not have the movie adaptation poster up on the cover. My friend, Angge, has that pre-movie edition and I'd really like for my copy to be the same. Alas, I think I've to let pass a few more months before all the movie edition runs out.

6. Harry Potter books

Just like any other solid HP fan, of course I'd like my own complete set of books. Now, I'm not really after the exact complete set. I just need to complete what I already have. Which means, I need books 1, 2, and 4. And in faith to the editions of the books I already have, I guess I prefer these book covers:

Fine, with that particular requirement I may just as well say I don't really intend to complete the books this Christmas. It's a long way. But I'll definitely get there. I have to.

7. Harry Potter films in DVDs

Original, please. Ha! No, I'm not being snotty. I just think that given the films' being entire phenomena in themselves, they deserve to be collected via the original discs.

8. New Black Pumps

So now I'm a serial shoe-murderer. Not that I mean to be one, but I just can't seem to be able to keep a good pair of black heels for longer than, er, 3 months? Superb. I guess it goes with the amount of time I spend walking to, from, and around the office. Here's what I need: good sole, sturdy heels, and a comfortable upper leather.

9. An uber pleasant vacation place

I would suggest the beach. But since we're not very near real great beaches, I guess my family and I could get away with a sunny and charming resort. That one in the picture is the clubhouse at a superbly beautiful village here in Cavite. I'd like to try that. Hmmm.

Okay, for now, those will do. I still have a lot in mind but I'd do another post when I've completed them. Too pricey? Definitely not!

So . . . friends. Haha, just kidding. Give me if you like but no pressure.

Now, imagine looking at me in the eyes while I'm saying "No pressure".

Cheers!

Day 2 - Your Crush

Okay, a bit of a background first. The only crush I remember right now is my high school classmate's older brother (hey, he's only a year older). I've worked with him when I was in sophomore year for a play competition. And that's when I started, er, to admire him--a lot. Then, lo and behold, we got into the same university in college. Well, he transferred into the one where I was. And although we were into different courses, there was a comforting feeling into knowing that I could just as easily come across him at the streets and in the mall.

So here goes my letter.


Dearest You,

Uhhhh. Well, how are you? It's been a long time since I've spoken with you, I remember you were wearing the white uniform for the students of science courses. And you looked happy, I'm glad you did.

I actually don't know what to say here. For one, I don't think you've ever known about my teensy crush on you. I believe your sister hasn't told you and I think she's also already forgotten by now.

I'll keep this superbly short. I just wanna say hi and that I wish you're doing well. It's nice to have become your friend, which means we're on great terms and that in the future you'll smile at me when we've met coincidentally.

I'm glad we've met, that we've had an amazing competition to go through together. You were at most one of those who have made me want to be really good at what I do. You have such high respect for me that it's impossible to think we're not even the best of friends.

Always, you'll hold a special place in my heart.

See you around.

Day 1 - Your Bestfriend

They say one can have so many good friends but there can only be one best friend. Well, I beg to disagree. Friends are like a myriad of people, sharing with you many experiences and advises. There are indeed varying levels of friendship. And somehow, a few (or one) stands out from your group of friends because well, you've had the most secrets shared together. Or the most number of days spent together. Or because you're really the only ones each other's got when everybody else has left. Hence the term: best friend.

So, if I follow all of these, then I guess I could name two for me: one girl and one guy. But since my guy best friend now merits a different letter for a different day, I guess I would only be writing to my best girl friend.

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To my best girl friend,

Hi. I know we don't see each other often now. And I know mostly that's because I have almost always refused to go out with you and the others. So, first thing I wanna say to you in here: bear with me (even when I'm not--and I won't--say sorry).

Then I guess I could say thank you. Mostly, just that: thank you.

For getting me through four years of cruel Math, a feat which entailed giving me the answers to our everyday homework and actually passing me your answered exam sheets during the actual exam. Seriously, I never could've imagined getting through that without your expertise (in Math and cheating, yeah).

For not making me play volleyball in our PE classes. Even if that's mostly because getting tired wouldn't do as much damage to the team as letting me play would. Nevertheless, I passed PE because you were good enough to cheat me out of all the games.

For the school requirements you didn't do because I wouldn't as well. Sometimes I thought you were really foolish, letting me influence you into becoming a delinquent student. But then again, I was not as much of an influencer as I was an excuse for you to let your laziness win over.

For the times that I cried because of him and you would only look at me and say I was disturbing your peaceful nap. I could hit you all those times you did that if you didn't make me feel so stupid for crying.

In most ways, you were like the big sister I never had. You always looked out for me, with occasional hits on the head when I got into fights with the seniors while devising a way to help me out as well. I guess high school could be a lot meaner if I weren't a bully with another bully for a best friend.

So there. You know I'm not much of a speaker when it comes to my feelings so I guess you understand my anticlimatic letter. Good luck to your board exams, I hope you do well. Happy birthday, too (well I'm kinda hoping I get to post this in time for your birthday). And see you soon.

I know, it's raining. . .

Okay, so it's storming outside and I'm at the office. I so wanna go home--and I do feel I shouldn't have come in the first place. I hate to be here more because of the fact that more than half of my co-workers are not.

So, to ease away the frustration and the cold, I decided to just . . . write. Thanks to my the trusty laptop of my dear officemate, by the way.

What to write then? I decided I could go on through another 30-day challenge. This time, I'd do one of those that my friends are already doing: the 30-letters challenge. These are:

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

I hope to the heavens I'd get to finish this one. I may not strictly follow the everyday requirement but I sure would try my best to get to the last "day".

Wish me luck then!

I just need to get this out . . .

Damn. Damn. Damn.

Damn rich people who think they could manipulate others into saying sorry even if no harm was actually done. Damn them who think their financial status defines the amount of respect that should be given to them, no matter how much they don't deserve even a shed of politeness.

Look, I know what I'm getting myself into when I signed into this -- whatever you call this that I do. But never, ever, ever, have I felt that I should be forced into inferiority when I know the other party is not even a step higher than me.

Come on, I may be on the servicing side but that doesn't mean you can demand from me even the deliberate lowering of my dignity.

Because in the first place, you do not deserve it.

Until the Very End

Exactly eleven years ago, my childhood was turned completely around by my desire to receive a letter. I'm sure you very well know what kind of letter I'm talking about. That which is contained in an envelope where an address is written in slanting, tiny letters. That which would take you to a place filled with everything you could only dream of.

I hoped, just like every child my age, that one day I would wake up to an owl post.

And in most ways, when I look back from where I am now, I guess I got that dream.

I was one of the lucky children in the world to be given the chance to join a world that is filled with magic, goodness, friendship, family, and love. I became, in the tiniest of circumstances, a part of something that defined magic anew.

Along with more than half of the world, I got to enter the world of Harry Potter. From the day he was delivered to the Dursleys with nothing but a lightning scar on his forehead and a marked life ahead, I watched him grow and discover who he really was, fight for his friends, and save the only home he's known from being corrupted by the evil.

Year after year, we waited for his new adventure. We anticipated, knowing he could probably get past anything (heck, he got to "unofficially" battle a troll at the age of 11, didn't he?). With every bit of himself that he shared with us, we developed a kind of friendship that crossed the line between fantasy and reality.

But now, we got to see him end everything. We got to say goodbye, knowing "all is well" now. We got to witness the finale of something we've known since childhood.

We all have to grow up, eventually. Maybe this is one of those times. Must I say, it really is hard to grow up. Especially when one of the things you gotta do is let go and just commit to memory your happy times as a child. And Harry-time was, is and will always be, a happy one for me.

This is a difficult post to complete, I should admit. I ought to be saying goodbye, that's why. I logged in thinking about bidding farewell, acknowledging an end, and accepting he fact that I gotta let go now. But like everybody else, I find it difficult to the point of being heartbreaking.

What do you say after eleven years of emotionally and psychologically investing into something like Harry Potter? Nothing, I guess. This is a wordless stint, something you cannot easily describe. And perhaps, it will always be like this.

And I would always be back. To the place I call home, to the walls of pure magic, to the world where everyone gets accepted.

I would always be back, at night when I have a hard time sleeping. In any time of the day when I have nothing to do. At any moment when I just want to feel warm.

Because the child in me would always be there. No matter how much I've grown, matured, or learned. That child who waited for an owl by her window would always be within me.

Until the very end.