It's crazy how I always say that I could live a different life than the one I have right now . . . .
And find no other life that I want but this one.

This can be a good life

May 12 to 13, 2012

La Luz Beach Resort

Laiya, Batangas

If only I can be here everyday, where the sand meets the water without hesitation. Where the sun does not hurt. And when life seems to be rocked gently by the wind.

Well, you can. With a voice like that.

I Can't Make You Love Me - Adele

Turn down the lights

Turn down the bed

Turn down these voices inside my head

Lay down with me, tell me no lies

Just hold me close, don't patronize. Don't patronize me.

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

You can't make your heart feel something it won't

Here in the dark, in these final hours

I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power

But you won't, no you won't

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see

The love you don't feel when you're holdin me

Mornin' will come and I'll do what's right

Just give me till then to give up this fight

And I will give up this fight.

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

You can't make your heart feel something it won't

Here in the dark, in these final hours

I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power

But you won't, no you won't

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

From reality to insanity and back again

Sometimes, I just wanna go crazy. Mad enough to do stuffs I wouldn't normally do. In front of so many people. Not caring at all about their judgment, their thoughts, and the hatred in their eyes.

There are days when I wanna scream at every idiot trying to park their cars outside the designated lanes. Or go on a glass-breaking trip to the mall where everything I touch would be shattered to pieces. And by the end of that trip, I would simply go to the cashier and hand over a million bucks to pay for everything I've broken.

Other days find me wishing I can just dance in the middle of the street. Sing with the loudest voice I can manage. And just lay on the cement road daring every driver to run their car over me.

Admittedly, there are also days when I wanna be fatally crazy. As in hold my breath 'til my brain uses up all its oxygen supply and just dies on the spot. Or haul my body into a fast-arriving car.

Now, if all of these are in my mind, I can't help but wonder how much of them I could actually hold in.  Every single day, people make me relive these thoughts thus making the insanity so tempting. I could cave in to these morbid and stupid thoughts. I could lose.

I choose not to, every single day. Thank God, I still can do.

Photo from: Beth Hollingsworth