I knew this was going to happen . . . (is this even an original title?)

I could use a fully-functioning brain, you know.

A blank stare, a loud sigh, and then a surrendered shrug.

Have you ever tried to gear up for a marathon only to find out that you don't really want to be in there and so, before the signal to start was fired, you just turn your back and leave? You leave, all the while feeling the regret welling up inside you.

That's how I feel every time I open any of my (purely writing) blogs and try to haul out words about worthy topics. I sign in and click the "New Post" button with enthusiasm only to realize that my brain is all the while immobile.

I'm not saying I'm good at what I do, nor that my lack of written stuffs would drastically affect the world at large. It's just that I'm quite disappointed with myself; I worry that maybe I'm not anymore as eloquent or that maybe I'm now living a way too dull life to write about it.

Hopefully, things start brightening up a bit. I'm trying my best, reading good finds for inspiration, and channeling many of life's excitement. Wish me luck.

Somebody grew up . . . yet again.

Tuesday this week, as I went out of the bathroom draped in a colorful towel, I saw my sister clad in her college uniform. She was waiting for me so I could close the door after her. I watched her leave and walk through the street, head bowed against the soft wind. And I thought about how it was just yesterday when we were wearing matching red-checkered school skirt--hers for grade schoolers and mine for the high school girls.

Sometimes it's hard to imagine life moves on at all. Especially when you have nothing at all that conspicuously grows and changes--like Saturday routines or the arrangement of your bedroom.

And then you become arrested by an apparent change, like a car going through a straight road and then suddenly comes to a swerving point.

I like those times, when life shatters the very ground I'm standing on. It makes me move as fast as I can, develop, grow. It makes me change what is there is to alter.

Some things I really knew was going to happen. Some things I did expect but still managed to shock we good. Maybe life really is like this: we may or may not plan yet things will keep on happening.

Survival is the Key

Ambilis natapos ng summer! Akalain mo, isang outing pa lang ang napupuntahan ko, bigla na lang nag-uulan. Tapos isang araw, nakakita na ko ng mga batang naka-uniform.

Panahon nga naman. Pabagu-bago, takbo nang takbo.

At ngayon, pasukan na naman. Which, of course, makes me reminiscent of how life has been when I was still in school. Kung nabasa n'yo ang Bob Ong-inspired posts ko dati tungkol sa elementary, high school, at college life ko, yun na yun.

Lately, lang, may tao akong nakilala na nagpaalala sa'kin ng tungkol sa college life ko. 'Di naman s'ya ga'nong importante. In fact, ayoko sa kanya (sabihin na lang nating ayoko ng masyadong mahangin na panahon). Pero dahil araw-araw n'ya ko halos nako-corner, wala akong choice kundi makipagkwentuhan sa kanya.

Tungkol saan?

Tungkol sa paano ako/kami nakalabas nang buhay mula sa Unibersidad ng Pilipinas.

Ang UP, sabi nila, mahirap pasukin. Pero, mas mahirap lumabas galing do'n. Katakut-takot na pahirap, pasakit, at problema ang naranasan ko bago ako nakalabas ng UP. Hindi ko sasabihing gano'n ako katalino o ka-husay. Ma-diskarte ako nang kaunti, pero ang talagang nakatulong sa'kin? Believe it or not, katamaran. Totoo!

At para sa lahat ng katulad ko, some tips:

1. Ang Math 11 ay simpleng Algebra lang.

- Promise. Kahit na 4 ang grade ko at kahit kinailangan ko pang mag-exam ulit para maka-tres, madali lang ang Math 11. Minsan kasi, iniisip lang ng mga estudyante: Math 11 'to. . . Math 11 'to . . . mahirap 'to. Pero kung bubuklatin mo talaga 'yang module mo, Algebra lang talaga ang laman.

2. 50% ng trabaho ng prof mo ang takutin ka.

- Wagas na wagas. May mga prof na akala mo gano'n katapang. First day pa lang kasi ng klase, rules na agad ang binabanggit. Bawal ganito, bawal ganyan. Pag na-late ka ng 3 beses, bagsak ka na. Pag na-late ka ng 1 minuto sa pagpasa ng paper, INC ka na. Pero ang totoo, nadadaya ang oras at mas nale-late pa sila. The secret? 'Wag pasisindak. Mas tinatakot ang nagpapatakot. Kaya 'pag tinanong ka, sagot lang nang walang kurap, 'wag manginginig. Kahit 'di mo alam ang sagot, paikut-ikutin mo lang--sa pagkalito ng prof mo, 'di ka na makokontra.

3. Adrenaline ang pinaka-magandang source of creativity.

- Kapag alas-singko na ng umaga at ang report mo ay para sa klase mo na alas-syete, pustahan tayo lahat ng magagandang ideas parang ulan na bubuhos galing sa utak mo. Ang mga thesis drafts at paper ko dati, nagagawa ko lang 'pag isa-submit ko na. Yung tipong magsi-skip pa ko ng class para lang matapos ang pagta-type at pagpapa-print. O kaya, di ako matutulog para matapos ko.

4. Ang final exam ay mas madali kaysa lahat ng exam mo buong sem.

- Noong nag-aaral ako, dalawang exam lang ang pinag-aaralan ko bawat subject: 1st long exam at final exam. May mga subject kasi na parang promo ang finals, 'pag naipasa mo ang 2 o lahat ng long exams, wala nang finals. Ang problema, yung 2nd at 3rd LE, kaluluwa mo ang kapalit. Pero ang final exam, kahit buong sem pa ang coverage, multiple choice lang. O, diba! So, "thanks but no thanks" ang sagot ko lagi sa promo na 'yan.

5. Importante ang groupmates.

- Hindi lahat ng subject requirements, kaya mong mag-isa. Kailangan mo ng groupmates, o kahit partner man lang. Lalo na 'yung mga bibo kids, 'yung mga ayaw ng basta-bastang grade lang. At lalo na kung ang sistema ay hatian ng trabaho: 10% lang sa'yo pero same grade. Okay nang set-up yun.

6. At eto ang the best: Biyaya ng Diyos ang tres.

- Ipagpasalamat mo, naka-tres ka. 'Yung iba nga, kwatro lang o mas malala, singko. 'Wag nang choosy, pag-akyat pa lang sa tres, nakakapagod na. Buwis-buhay na ang uno, pang-mataas na pangarap. Kaya 'pag ang prof mo nagbigay ng tres para sa buong sem kung saan isang exam lang ang naipasa mo at 2 papers lang ang na-ibigay mo, 'wag nang umangal--anghel ang prof na 'yun.

Isipin mo na lang: 3 o another 6 months of the same subject (+ 750php pa)?

Simple lang naman ang buhay-Peyups. Basta matapang ka, kaya mo silang lahat. Kahit pala-absent ka, basta kumpleto mo ang requirements, buhay ka na. 'Wag kang papadaig sa sinasabi nilang UP ka, dapat magaling ka. Dahil ang UP, hindi naman hangad na pahirapan ka. Ilalabas lang lahat ng nasa loob mo. Wala kang dapat patunayan kahit kanino, kailangan mo lang maniwala sa sarili mo. Tandaan mo, above everything else, freedom to live ang the best lesson na makukuha mo from the University. Gamitin mo ang freedom na 'yan para umunlad pansarili at para sa iba.

Survival is the key. Kakainin lang ng buhay ang mga nagpapakain.