For you

Well, you know what people say when you're having problems with someone dear to you: there is someone better out there. But of course, it is never a thought applicable to everyone. People would always, always find a way to hold on. Even if it sucks. Even if it hurts like hell.

Hey, you don't have to feel guilty over that. You deserve to hold on to that one thing that figuratively makes sense right now, even if you know that it literally is insane and insensible.

I am not the best person to tell you that you have to let go. Believe me, I've been holding on to something that already has my hands blistered to bits. And until now, I can very much choose jumping off a cliff than to let that go.

Hence, I am telling you to hold on. Not to that person who hurts you, though. But to the experience, to the pain, to whatever it is that vaguely defines tomorrow. Hold on to what hurts and let your heart heal over it.  You must do that so you'd feel pain so much that it would make you learn and change for the better.

But always remember this, just because you can hold on does not mean you should let others make use of that. There are people worth the pain. And there are those who are worth every single ounce of courage that it would take you to let go. Learn how to tell one from the other. That way, you'd spare yourself from the emotional suicide.

At the end of the day, it is your choice that matters. And like I have always believed, you have to make choices that would not at some point make you go back to the day you did and wish you had not.

I don't want to fall

I Don't Want to Fall, Juris

I know that I'm no longer considered young
But with this feeling it's like teenage just began
I've gone through tough times
And I can say that I have grown
So I should be able to control what's going on

But no, this was not my intention
Oh no, just erase this connection cause I

I don't want to fall for you
I'm scared that you just might fall for me too
I don't want to feel for you
I'm scared that you just might feel for me too

Feel for me too

You try too hard to hide the spark in your eyes
And I ignore it even if it excites me deep inside
Cause I'm strong and I know it's wrong
And to each other we simply don't belong
So I should be able to control what's going on

But no, this was not my intention,
Oh no, lets just erase this connection cause I

I don't want to fall for you
I'm scared that you just might fall for me too
I don't want to feel for you
I'm scared that you just might feel for me too

I don't want to fall, fall for you
I'm scared that you just might fall for me too
And I don't want to feel for you
I'm scared that you just might feel for me too

Feel for me too

Oooh, this is dangerous
Let's not be adventurous
This could change our lives for the better
But what if for the worse?

I don't want to fall for you

Healing

Once, a friend asked me if I could write about better stuffs. Happy stuffs. I just laughed and told him I could not.

I thought about the way I write after that. I did some back-reading on my blogs and realized that I had so much of those really sad thoughts.

Well. I had nothing to say about this. Or I did, maybe. Fine, I still have a lot to say about this.

It’s that I can write about the good stuffs. I used to be able to do that a lot. I have owned a blog since high school. And believe me, my younger self had so much of the happy sappy moments to write about. She used to be all smiles and laughing moments. Everyday was for chasing after her dreams, for loving and being loved. For winning and losing with a smile on her face.

She lost that, apparently. She was so strong but then she lost to a battle she knew she would not win over before it even started. Losing like that at such a young age, hey, that’s not easy.

Something did go wrong. Because she never got her old self back. She carried that loss so much it defined most of her as she grew up. She did that, grew up. But never moved on. Always, at a moment’s notice, she’d go back to the day she lost and cry all over again.

To a certain extent, she never really left that battlefield. But she promised she’d keep on fighting to get herself back. To escape from that memory. To heal completely.

She’s working so hard to keep that promise, you must know. She’s strong and brave enough. She can do that. I believe she can.

I believe I can. Please believe that I can.