Coming Full Circle Because I Want to Run Away from Ledgers

You've got to be kidding.

Was what I thought when Angge told me and Paula of a supposed "hardcore accounting" part of our app exam yesterday. Because I actually counted on a little bit of exaggeration--you know, we being OrCom students and therefore with a habit of equating simple numbers with life's hardships.

But it was not an exaggeration. It. Was. Not. An. Exaggeration.


Which was why after everything, it did not matter that Paula and I did not make it to the cut-off number of examinees for the 10am sched. It did not matter that we had to let pass more than two hours at a fastfood. It did not matter that we were half-woozy with traffic stress and half-excited for the coming application. Because it all got lost soon as we took the last part of the exam.

At first, the test was fine: essay (How would you be an asset to Company B? 10 sentences limit within 5 minutes) and psychological (I think, given there were shapes of some sort and patterns) parts that were common, at least as those I'd already taken.

And then came Part III.

First question: Definition of Accounting (by AICPA). And I had never in my entire life ever heard of the acronym AICPA.

The remaining parts came with choices-based types of exams: Multiple Choice, Matching Type, Sequencing, you get the picture. But the choices were mainly composed of words I knew only by terminology (which, by the way, I did only when I was a senior high school student). Contra Asset Liabilities, Contingent Liabilities, Debit, Credit, Investments, Journal, Ledger, Balance Sheets, Bank Statements, Stock, Stale Check, and Owner's Equity among others.

For the love of all that's holy, panicky, and brain-exhausting:
IDIDNOTKNOWWHATWERETHESEWORDSSUPPOSEDTOMEAN.

Like hello, the only time I saw these words in print were in my high school textbook that I did not even bother to open for long periods of time. And the only times I transact with bank people were when I had to pay for our house's monthly amortization and other bills. Occasionally there were a few checks, but I only had to cash them in. But what the hell I knew of their roles in businesses.

Suffice to say that I did not expect coming anywhere near the passing rate. But what I did know was: I am never applying for a position in a bank (and any company financial in nature) EVER AGAIN. But fine, I got an interview schedule for later today and I decided I would go.

If only because this would be the last of my job-hunting spree. Yes. I got word from where I started and they were asking if I wanted to come back. I guessed I could. I think I can.

So after today, if I don't get through, I'm coming full circle.

When I Say I'm Happy Now, I Mean:

I don't wanna keep remembering what's happened. Let the course of life take on its natural flow now. I've tried to forget and, thankfully, I've succeeded. There is no need for us to keep bringing back what I've tried so hard to let go of. I want to make impeccably clear that I am not the type of girl who goes back to where she's beaten. I've lived through that, maybe I will again someday. But for now, let's keep smiling at each other without trying to assess if the act's real or not. Because it is, believe it or not.

"Takaw-ulan"

1. Was my interview with Company X yesterday. That's because I was supposed to have that interview last July 13. But of course I had to welcome Bashang first, which meant I had to ask for another schedule. They gave me the day after, July 14. Still, after what good ol' B did the night before, I couldn't leave Cavite if my life took a turn for it. Thank you. Then I thought I lost the whole op already, given that nobody replied to my second "I'm sorry I can't come" SMS. Yet, as if the odds were put on hold while B was devastating the week off, Company X texted again telling me I got a new schedule: July 19. Gladly, I went. Only to be met by a whole new stormy weather. Luckily, the rain poured after the meeting (which, by the way, was more of the what's-Orcom interview--as if it's the course that's applying for a position and not me). So far so good, huh? It's literally raining down on me.

2. Was the Tuesday (read: today's) laundry. And all days' laundry for that matter. I did understand that there's an LPA, which they told me progressed into a C-named storm already. But for the love of everything motherly, my mom wanted me to do the laundry. (STILL!) So fine, into the washing machine and out to the clothes' rack. And then it rained. And for the love of everything panicky, I had to get all dripping clothes back into the house. Must I still say what happened next? Mop the floor, mope the day. Now our house's floor is all wet. And the whole place smells of fabric conditioner.

3. Was July. Is. According to Kuya Kim Atienza, the supposed Ernie Baron successor, July always sees two storms off. Which means that, as and if we've had two already, July is coming to an end. Oh Good. As the seventh month dies, I'm still work-less. (Hello, Paula.)

Takaw-ulan it is. Heave a huge sigh here. Note: the term is, as far as I know, non-existent in your average Pinoy dictio. I just use it for all intents and purposes of adjective-describing existences.

Likeness and Hilarity

Okay. I write, yes. I'm more of the fiction girl who tells stories of almost-daily occurrences. They are about life, the afterlife, and anything that may constitute a scene. And sometimes I write about relationships, breaking up, and leaving.

But I have yet to think about taking that up a notch higher. Mainly because I don't know if my pieces are any good. Yeah, my friends say they are. But then again, they're my friends.

Which was why, as per Ana's suggestion in her blog, I decided to try I Write Like, a page that sort of analyzes one's writing style and tries to compare it with known authors. It's an interesting "game". And so I copied and pasted posts from my lit blog, Tarradiddles for 5 times.

The results were ridiculous and hilarious.

Here's why: first, my "Running" post was likened to Margaret Mitchell, writer of the ever famous Gone With the Wind. I haven't read her work, thus I've not freaked out enough. She's good, I know, because her novel's a very popular one.

I write like
Margaret Mitchell

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

My second try did really made me laugh. Entitled "Two Suitcases Off", it yielded Stephenie Meyer, no other than the author of the world-famous Twilight Saga. I laughed because the result was so absurd. Surely, that's not even close.

I write like
Stephenie Meyer

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Third copy-paste was of the piece "Unused", which gave me Stephen King, a man known for his suspense novels. His are works I've never had the courage to actually read if only because I've seen movies based on his novels. And as much as I don't get scared much of movies, the situation's different with books.

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

My latest post was what I used in my fourth try. "Rainbow's Disappearance" resulted to a supposed similarity with David Foster Wallace, writer of Infinite Jest. I've also never read him, by the way.

I write like
David Foster Wallace

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Now, I didn't know what made me try a-fifth. I guessed I just got the hang of it. I actually intended to copy-paste all of my pieces (from that blog, at least) if not for this: A Perfect Time to Let Go got me likened to:

I write like
J. K. Rowling

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

That had me freak out, totally. Yes, I adore the woman. And yes, how much I wish to write just like she does. But, hey, JK Rowling? The JK Rowling? The woman who's brought the world down with her Harry Potter series? The writer with such prodigious skills she's had us all wish for a letter from Hogwarts?


No. Seriously. No.


I tried copy-pasting again and again. The result was just the same. If you can help me out, do visit I Write Like and my fateful post. And then please do copy-paste. Maybe a change in IP address would make the result differ.


Woot. As to all of these results, I can only say:

Thank you. But no, you can't be true. But thanks for making me LOL so much, 'kay?

Storm Uncalmed

1. It's still a semi-storm here in Cavite. At least, judging from the small area of the sky that I see, that's what it looks like. But that's fine, considering it's loads better than the howling, smashing wind last night. Yes, our windows are beaten to slight-death by that wind. You'd think we live in the forest where tree branches are hitting the walls. But no, we don't. And yes, that's what it felt like last night.

2. I should sleep early tonight. Given that I haven't been able to do so well enough last night. The electricity was cut off at 11p last night. We got it back past 4p today. Small comfort it was that the situation was almost nationwide. (At least we know the situation won't go unnoticed for a long time). Nevertheless, sleep got hard to grasp. And. I haven't missed on sleeping fully since April. As to how that's relevant, I don't honestly know.

3. Now I have an inkling of how life must have been before the cellphone and Internet era. It feels as if you're in scary exile. Seriously. No one to talk to, no news about the world outside your house's four corners, and no idea if you've suddenly become the lone soul of today's planet. Fine, maybe I'm exaggerating. But hey, the house was oddly and frighteningly quiet the whole over-12-hours blackout.


4. I missed on what I feel would have been a good opportunity (read: employment prospect). Thanks a lot, Bashang. Although, I think the company's real workaholic (I can't say dedicated nor professional, I'm sorry) enough to ask for an applicant to come all the way from Region IV to their Ortigas office for an interview. *sigh* I tried reasoning out, that it's storming and all. I guess I shouldn't have. But I'm never one to risk (that wind!) for something highly uncertain.


What's more saddening is the fact that it's my fourth decline. 2 offers, 2 interviews. And I wonder why until now I don't have work. KTnxBye.

5. Oh well, oh fine. Decisions, decisions (Jane, Eclipse). Might as well live with them and their consequences. You can't undo what's never started in the first place.


The Net's still wonky (Thanks, by the way, to the linesmen who mounted our broadband's antenna up on top of the roof. It. Was. Mutilated. By. The. Wind.) The rain's still pouring.

And all I have is this sad little post. Whee, not.

Tomorrow, I shall find something to smile about. I swear.

Dans la Vue

Angled Vista is a blog of opinions, perspectives, and interests. Been coming a while now, until such a time that the brain’s dome is filled to the fullest.

Books, movies, songs and music, people, places, foods, and all things random are the focal points of the blog. They may not be in lieu of present times or in perfect accordance to normative poses. They simply exist. And in my world, they’re important enough to spill some thoughts on.

This is my, er, 4th blog. Okay, I don't even know what makes me keep all four. Or put them up in the first place. Maybe it's my lacking presence in SNS sites (Facebook, Twitter, even Friendster). Maybe it's the boredom. Maybe it's my many thoughts about equally many things going around. Maybe it's my love for writing. Or maybe, just maybe, it's my need to at least allow my brain some more spaces; it's kinda full to the brim already. Regardless of the reason, they're here. In the now.

Feel free to look around. That's free area. :)

When Prayer Comes Knocking

Do you let it in? But what if it's brought by someone you haven't even seen in your entire life? Would you trust enough?

Well, I did not. Barely 5 minutes ago, some woman came to our house. Alone that I was, of course I got a little cautious. I could not let her in despite being informed that she's a member of the church and that she has something to show me. "Hindi naman ako masamang tao" (I'm not a bad person.) That's what she said. Still, I refused to open up. So she said we could talk by the window instead. Seeing no harm with that, I agreed. She asked if I was still single. I said yes. She asked about my family's provincial origin. I said none.

Then she brought out a small statue, the Lady of Manaoag. Now, I didn't know for sure who the Lady was. Please forgive my lack of religious memory, but at that moment, I totally failed to remember. Anyway, the church woman said I ought to take the Lady and put a 5-peso coin on her crown. Then, on either my birthday or the soonest possible birthday my family would celebrate, I'm supposed to take the coin off the crown, buy a white candle with it, light the candle, and pray for something I need. And that's supposed to come to me, said the church woman.

Fascinating belief and an offer worth trying, right? The thing was, she was selling the Lady. For a hefty 850 pesos. I could not possibly give her 850 for that, nor did I have that much money with me. So I was with good reason to decline. Mightily decline, that is.

What got to me, really, was the prayer the church woman shared with me before she left. She asked me to hold on to the Lady while she prayed. Then she prayed for me to get a job. I could not believe my ears, needless to say. Yeah, she prayed for the usual safety in the family and being granted with my heart's wishes. But that particular "give her a job" thing was something.

Fine, you might say that maybe she deduced I didn't have a job because I'm at home at a fair should-be-out time. But honestly, I look more like student who missed her class than some jobless lady.

Oh my mad hat. I don't know what to think about. I don't know how to react.

P.S.
Dear Lady, I didn't mean to turn my back against you. I just . . . couldn't. I'm so sorry.

Of Chances, Choices, and Conclusions

'Finally, they nailed it.' was what went through my mind half the time I was watching Twilight Saga's third installment: Eclipse. Movie critics who said this was the best of the three films under the huge franchise had it good. Yes, by far, Eclipse got the best out of its high budget and acclaimed director.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Rotten Tomatoes)

But no, I would not want to brand this post as a review. Mainly because I'm no movie-technicalities savvy nor do I have the heart to take against the story itself what I find lacking in the backstage area. I would rather say I'm merely sharing my thoughts: free and flowing.

Albeit the many collective sighs, swooning, and squealing that dominated the cinema (me included, at least in the collective-sighs part) due to the abundance of human beauty (which I shall do my best to justify later), much can be deduced from the whole film itself. Personally, I caught the whole storyline as that of: chances, choices, and conclusions.

CHANCES

I think Eclipse, from the book itself to the movie, is all good at giving the other characters a chance to explain their existence and inclusion in the story. I appreciate the part of Rosalie and Jasper sharing with Bella their pasts. I enjoyed the Quileute's legends. They provided so much understanding that Bella's perspective couldn't possibly give.

Rosalie telling Bella her own story (Bella's Diary)

The then Jasper Whitlock (Fanpop)

Members of the Quileute Tribe (Rotten Tomatoes)

I also personally believe these stories about other characters has decreased the all-too-love-triangle point of the film (and book), of which I admit I am wholly cynical. Somehow, there is that feeling that the movie is not about falling head over heels to someone you cannot be with. Love is too strong an emotion to be contained in every shot, that I agree with.

CHOICES

The thought of choices being the film's central point during all the promotions is given justice, in my opinion. There is an abundance of choices, not only with Bella being in-between two loves of her life, or with her faced with being either human or an immortal.

Edward and Bella (Rotten Tomatoes)

Jacob and Bella (Twilightguide)

Choices are also shown to be encountered by other characters: Jane, on whether or not to report to Aro the occurrences at Seattle; the Cullens, on providing protection for Bree; Riley, on believing Edward's claim against Victoria. The film is set to be a sequence of events brought about by an array of choices for everybody.

CONCLUSIONS

So there was a good happy-ending-ish sense. Yes, that's one thing I've noticed and appreciated in this film. Rather unlikely, of Twilight's less-than-relieving prom scene and of New Moon's hanging proposal.

Bella and Edward, concluding scenes (Inside Bella's Closet)

I do consider the fact that the movie's part of a 4-part franchise. But honestly, people can do more with endings suggesting to them that there's another one coming up and letting them know that at least for what they've seen, the worst is gone. That, I feel, is what Eclipse has given. So, good going.

FROM THE MOVIE-GOERS P.O.V

Human beauty, that's what I've said earlier. There's plenty of this in the movie, well considering that vampires are supposed to be beautiful what with their sparkling and all.

(Or, almost, since dear Jamie Campbell Bower is all missing. *sigh*)

Ashley Greene, Nikki Reed, Elizabeth Reaser, Jackson Rathbone, and Peter Facinelli

The Cullen Coven (Rotten Tomatoes)

Nikki Reed and Kellan Lutz as Rosalie and Emmett (Twilightguide)

Dakota Fanning's Jane and Bryce Dallas Howard's Victoria are extremes in terms of villain appearances. Vampires they both are though, they seem to emanate totally different menacing stances. I just am not satisfied with Howard's less-than-scary avenging attitude.

Bryce Dallas Howard (top) & Dakota Fanning (bottom) as Victoria and Jane

(Twilightguide)

Xavier Samuel's Riley, on the other hand, is just in for the role. And may I just say that starting the film with him might be the best of Director Slade's decisions? Yeah, I stand by that as in every Samuel scene I let out a  gushing sigh. 'Nuff said.

Xavier Samuel as Riley (Twilightguide)

As for the three leads: First of, Edward's new look didn't appear disturbing. Yeah, I've never been a part of Team Edward, character and looks on account. Sorry for that. But still, this time, he didn't look so frustratingly perfect. Now, his facial expressions exhibit the hesitations Edward in the book has.

Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen (Rotten Tomatoes)

Kristen Stewart is, for me, the biggest improvement of and in the film. She's still not the Bella I've had in mind when reading the book. But now she gets her lines to feel sincere. I also appreciate her additional facial expressions, which at least gave a different aura to her don't-sacrifice-for-me attitude. And yeah, her new physical look's done its share.

Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan (Twilightguide)

Lastly. Lastly. Taylor Lautner as Jacob. Okay. I've squealed once. Just once. When he came out for his first scene. And that's him with a shirt on, mind you. Because Taylor. Is. Taylor. And. Jacob. Is. Jacob. Fine, maybe I'm partial. But there's no denying that despite Kristen's newly found openness where facial expressions are concerned, Taylor's has just capped things off.

Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black (Twilightguide)

And that's yet without his oh-so-smart lines: "Let's face it, I'm hotter than you" and "You know just how much I wish that's enough". That said, I'm pretty much sure whose ally I am. Yeah, fine. Team Jacob that is. (Oh cool, I'm taking sides now.)

Aside from the bounty of blessed beauty, a lot can be said about the film itself. Though as I've admitted to not knowing enough about cinematographies and stuff alike, I can only say three things:

• The Eclipse DP did his job. All too well. The battle scene, even the chase scenes, and of course, the showcasing of the settings were all captured with so much skill.
• Musical scoring is on the low. Despite my appreciating the idea that I at least got to hear most of the important lines without thinking about soundtrack-checking, I still consider some scenes' lack of sufficient score a bit different. Oddly quiet, that is.
• David Slade rocked this one. That's about it.

So all in all, borrowing a healthy 150 bucks from my mom's wallet was worth it. In the anticipation and excitement, I can only say that Eclipse has not given me the same disappointing results as New Moon did. That's me only stating, 'kay?

Disclaimer: A bit late, I know. But lemme just say that as I'm writing this on a weekend following the film's release, I do get the feeling I'm not spoiling as much--as most have watched already. So feel free to, er, lash out if you haven't watched the movie yet and you feel as though I've said way too much. But I tell you: reading this in perfect understanding of your situation as a still-non-watcher has been your choice.

Toodles!

To My Nameless Brainchild

This is an extremely LONG post. You've been warned.

-------------------------------------------------

Finally: my acknowledgements page. I can never say how fulfilling writing this page feels. From here on, I know and I feel everything I have worked on is worth the wait. Needless to say, of the pages I have put together and stanchly fought for, this is going to be the last.

Last, a word with such finality its tone is almost tangible. I say ‘last’ and relish the irony of this page—last to be written but one of the firsts to be read. I say ‘last’ and admit I would not have reached this without the many people who I know would be more than happy to share the word with me.

To them, I offer the remaining paragraphs of my last pages.

To Mama and Papa, their unfailing support, and the many times they have indicated they would have understood should I fall short of this requirement: thank you. Be it food or funds or the simple reminders about the importance of sleep in a person’s life, you have always provided what I needed to stay driven.

To Roy and Ria, their readiness to sleep with the lights on during my all-nighters—thesis-related or not—as well as their understanding those times I cannot lend them the laptop and the Net cable: thank you for bearing with Ate.

To my other relatives, both maternal and paternal: thank you for being so excited over the thought of my graduation that I could not have disappointed you.

To Sir Henson, his willingness to adopt me, and his unwavering adviser-and-fatherly support: I would not have known what to do with my thesis-life had you not been there to accept and help me. You are incomparably fantastic.

To Sir Burn and Ma’am Adeva, my amazingly intelligent and forgiving panelists: for the first and the second time you have analyzed and made my thesis better, thank you very much. The fear and anxiety was—is, and will always be—worth it.

To Kuya Jeffrey, his love for numbers, and his incredibly fast statistical-analyzing capability: I owe my Chapter 4 to you.

To Mia, my best high school friend, for saying a resoundingly certain ‘yes’ when I asked if she believes I can finish my thesis on time: your faith in me is infallible.

To Ma’am Agbayani, Jam, Haidee, Judy, Ate Claire, Hannah, Ness, Sam, and Leah—the nine people I have started my thesis year with: thank you for a semester of encouragements and hopefulness.

To Ace and Ayessa, for the YM conversations ‘til late at night, the questions we have asked and answered no matter how unnecessary: I could not have imagined sharing them with you, but have enjoyed them nonetheless.

To Ate Ana, Kath, Jeanne, Jena, Ate Lou, Dave, Nike, Bianca, Arven, Jasper, Jackie, Jemi, Patrick, Marie, Marla, Belle, Glecy, Wynne, Cielo, Rish, and Ren: thank you for the random hugs, YM banters, and beautiful, caring moments. I would not have lived through this without you.

To each and every member of UP Manila’s Organizational Communication Class of 2010—young, remarkable, brilliant people: four years equals a wonderful forever with all of you.

To Fiona, Paula, Jhe, Angge, and Jona—the five people who have made my stay in the University lovingly candid: shall I say ‘I love you’ with all the heart you have always believed I have? Well, I loved the sleepovers, the lunches we ate together, the pranks and childish games, the random song-and-dance numbers, the library naps, the ranting moments, the gossips, and the every day I got to spend with you. So I guess that’s as much as saying I love you, too. I could have gone through my four college years alone and okay, but I have made it the best with the five of you.

Ultimately, my largest and loudest ‘Thank you’ to God, for these people, for every day of blessings and of guidance, for the strength to hold on and keep fighting, and for the light forever shining over the darkness. We have made through this because of you, and only for you.

I am not good with endings, so maybe I would simply leave a few words as closing. I do know that these words and the paper I have written them on would not be around eternally. But I am sure the feelings from which they have come from would stay in my heart for longer than infinity.

With all love and sincerity, thank you.


-------------------------------------------------


This was--is--the acknowledgments page of my undergraduate thesis, which I got back signed and all yesterday. As it is, I am delighted. Yet, the significance is barely there. That much I can admit. I am no longer bitterly remembering the late-night forays to research-land nor am I still holding onto a lasting grudge. When I've said yesterday that there's no more. . .spark, I only meant I cannot look at that bound set of papers with the same excitement and triumph as I did when I held it the first time.


But that doesn't mean I'm totally apathetic where it's concerned. No. I still feel the same element of pride, of knowing how much time and effort I've put to come up with something like that. It is something that would forever symbolize how much I can fight for what I want.


There, there. I'm here to finally bid my long-overdue young self goodbye. Yes, in all my ranting about my lack of work and excruciating experiences with boredom, I've still considered myself as someone too young. Now, though, I've finally come to terms with my being old enough.


Thus, my last piece of acknowledgment is for my very own thesis:

To you, my nameless brainchild, who taught me more than enough, who proved my strength, and who went with me through all the ups and downs of being young: thank you. I owe my entire present self to you.


Signed. Sealed. Finally, delivered.

(P.S. I'm not very good with pictures, so please bear with what I can snap. Thankyou! :>)

What Matters . . . Not

Sometimes, things are easier when you don't like them to be. Other times, they are harder when you try to make them not so.


At the very least, at the end of every day, what really matters is how you've faced each of them.

Now, that's a weird realization. Especially considering where it came from. These:

1. Walk-ins at Ortigas with Paula. And seeing Jena accidentally at Megamall. Nothing much to say, except that it has ended to a tiring bus-ride home. But lots of fun within.

2. Being informed that my life already has a plan. Seriously. At least, considering the fact that I'm taking Aikido classes next summer, going to Orlando the summer after next, and having a kid who'll be marrying my friend's child. Yeah. I don't know how those ended up in my future. Ask Paula.

3. Signs. Like signs. As in going to walk-in to a certain company and not pursuing so because there are unexplainable occurrences. Those are, for us, signs that we should be applying somewhere else. I. Honestly. Have. No. Idea. About. That.

4. Being asked by Fiona about one sensitive life/love topic. End of line. This shall constitute another post someday. When I can. :>

5. Getting my copy of my undergrad thesis! Errr. Okay, I admit I'm not even halfway cool about that one. There's just no . . . spark. Anymore. Woot. But I shall post something else about that. Maybe tomorrow.

Just for now, I ought to rest. Kbye.