I wish I can simply ask

I wonder how you're doing. Sometimes, I hate the thought of you. But more often, I hate the fact that you become the thought that comes to mind whenever I don't have anything else to think about. Like you're some resident of an unguarded part of my mind.

But yeah, just that.

I wonder if you're doing fine. I wonder if you're getting along well with her. I wonder if you're happy.

I wish I can simply ask you. But I know I can't. Because we both know we're better off this way.