Finish line

In as much as I don't want this to be a negative post, I'm afraid it is. Already, since I have not so many positive things within my heart right now.

I'm tired. I feel bad. It's like being filled with so much of the negative that I don't know anymore the boundaries. Do you know how it feels as if you are surrounded by bombs? That if you step just one foot into the wrong point, you'd blow into pieces? That's exactly how I feel this very moment.

People are not particularly nice. I'm in silent-treatment-relationship with my immediate boss. And all of my clients are plainly cruel.

Every single day, I think of quitting. I think that I don't want to do this anymore. I think that I just want a more peaceful environment.

But then I look around all of my friends-slash-co-workers, I get my ATM reloaded every 10 days, and I'm given the chance to spend on anything I like. They're stupidly shallow reasons, almost to the point of being childish and astoundingly minute factors. Yet they make me want to stay.

Or maybe it's just really the fact that I don't have anywhere else to go--yet.

* BIG sigh *

I don't know what to do anymore.

God, give me more strength. Let me keep on running. Even if I don't see the finish line.