The Monday After

Yesterday, September 26, was the third of our company's 5-leg event run for a client. I won't be going into details because, well, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to.

And today, is the Monday after. 10 of our 16-man team who supervised yesterday's event are nowhere in the office. Two, who happen to be Angge and Fiona, are asleep beside me. And me? Well, I can't be blogging right now, can I? But yeah, I am. Regardless of the seeming lack of cohesive topic in my mind. Regardless of my entire mind and body screaming for sleep. I am writing because I want my brain to work despite the exhaustion. Because, God bless my eyes, if I take a nap right this moment I'll have it turn into a 12-hour sleep. And of course, I wouldn't want that. Not here, definitely.

What to write about, then, I ask myself. There are a lot of things going on right now.

One, my parents and I are on each other's throats. They want me to start quitting. I want a couple more days to straighten things out first. So I won't be sacrificing, on top of everything I've sacrificed already, my personal integrity. Unfortunately, my couple more days include almost-all-nighters. And they just don't like that. Sometimes, I want to shout at them. Like, Hey I understand, okay? Now will you please just listen? But of course, I cannot. So we just keep on throwing dagger looks around. First one to bleed loses.

Two, I'm plain tired. And unsatisfied. And mad. And sad. All conflicting emotions, but all complementing, too. In such a way that weighs you down into utter disaster.

Three, I've been meaning to write about you ever since the phone call. But maybe you and what's with you is just simply insignificant now compared to my other, larger concerns. Well, I'm deceived by my own mind, am I not? 'Cause here I am, saying--and thinking--you're insignificant and yet thinking about you all the same. *sigh* You have always been the thought that fills my mind when it runs blankly. I wish you're not like that. Or maybe I wish you are but not in the way that you do now.

Four, congratulations, my dear pseudo-ma'am. You have made it to my blood-boiling people list. Because every time I see you, I hate you. And every time I hear you, I loathe you. And every time I interact with you, my love, I want to hurt you. God forgive me for feeling so much hate. But even against my better judgment, that which is not in any way governed or touched by my emotions, you still deserve to be hated.

Five, I miss my summer. The last one, which was extended way too long. I want that again. Now more than ever.

Six, as of finishing this blog, the time is already 5:45pm. 15 minutes more.

Hence, I'm off.